Monday, 20 October 2014

free ranging

A few weeks ago I got to a bit of a fork in the road. Going one way led to signing on  the other way was becoming self employed and making my own chances till the ideal job came along. I signed on. And my oomph left. It was a big deal at the time and I faced my job centre demons. A job offer came and I accepted knowing that I had panicked and not put any thought into any of the practicalities and if it had any future for me.

I am now in the process of releasing myself from that decision. I registered as self employed this morning and before lunch had bagged my first 'job'. It's only handing out leaflets in our local city centre but it's 3 days work at quite a good rate. I am now pitching some ideas in my head and to some magazines in the tentative hope this may come to something. For some reason as I signed on my writing mojo slipped away and for the last few weeks  I have not even blogged. It's coming back now.

My friend is a crafter and I hope to get involved in that although am keeping that as a hobby.

Another idea is to approach local companies to see about oddments of office work where there is not enough work to employ someone but enough to need a little help now and again. At the same time I am keeping my eye on the job market and even have a job interview on Thurs.

I am not terribly motivated by money but I am motivated to be interested and happy in what I do. I think this will be a stop gap while I figure things out.


Thursday, 9 October 2014

decisions decisions


When you have a career break as long as mine for whatever reason you realise beggars can't be choosers. So imagine my astonishment when I got offered a half decent job this week. The wage isn't that good tbh but the prospects could be. All fine then I went for an interview yesterday morning that had been arranged before the job offer. I really liked the job. The hours are more workable, the wage not known yet and the environment a bit more familiar. I really liked it. I will know on Friday if I'm to be offered it.

Now the dilemmas start. I am meant to start the other job on Monday so a bit rotten of me to back out. The hours are less on the prospective job so it gives me more freedom for all the other things I would hope to try out and make money with. The other job the hours aren't enormous but they are everyday and will involve careful planning and a lot of rushing around. It's an argument raging in my head of money vs time (and my contentedness to some degree). Goodness knows we could do we some extra money.
Less hours appeals not out of laziness but out of wanting the flexibility to be able to be on hand when needed by my son and also to keep just a little of the routine I have had over these long years. In fact it would spur me on to look for supplementary work such as I have been offered in the past and I know is available.
It's very hard to be free range hen and then be a battery hen.

Of course this is all subjective as not even had a job offer on the other one yet.
Then another problem arises in my head to turn down a job without the other signed sealed etc could be risky.
And so it goes on....


Sunday, 5 October 2014



The irony after my last post was a self induced health scare. I've had a red mark on my boob for a while and in the early hours of a morning about ten days ago I sat bolt upright and thought breast cancer. I quickly switched the router on and started scrolling on my tablet all about tell-tale signs. Depending on the interpretation of the info I may have a sign I may not. No clearer the day had to begin as normal. Unusually proactive I found a minute to log on and book a doctors apt with my favourite GP. Not had the apt yet as it is this Thurs.

The mark did not get bigger yet was not shrinking like a spot or bite might. I tried to avoid looking or thinking about it but could not. The sick feeling of doubt remained no matter what I did. Of course I knew it was there and just had to keep prodding in the hope it would morph into a spot. The skin peeled painlessly away and it stayed red. Eventually one evening some ick came out of it. It started to act like a spot/bite but also looked more like some of the pictures I kept looking at. I kept thinking 'not while he is doing his A levels' - go figure this tiger mum?

I have always resented my boobs. A tomboy and early developer I hated them and denied needing a bra for as long as my mum could let me get away with it. In my twenties I was used to men having conversations with my large chest rather my face. But had no idea how to deal with it. Now in my forties I am at peace with my size. Just in time to lose them I thought.

Happy to report the 'spot' is getting smaller and smaller. I will keep my apt but the worry is over. I will keep the apt to learn more about it and also to find out when I can have a mammogram.

So sorry for being distracted and not blogging or commenting recently.