Thursday, 12 March 2015

no title tonight

Hello.

Yesterday was the 2nd year anniversary of my mum's death. I'm not good at dates and had to check if it was the 12th or 11th. Then I had a wobble if had been 2 or 3 years. I think this occurred, I think, because so much has changed and also because it's such a long time to go with out seeing or hearing someone. Someone who you saw nearly every day and someone who could make you laugh by giving one look. Apart from the in the darkest last bits of the dementia we could still be in fits of laughter with each other. Two years, three years or 5 months it's a time illusion and hard to measure.

I had meant this blog to include stuff about being a carer and yet I find now that I need to keep it in the past. I had intended to try and stay in touch on the dementia carers forum or try and offer practical help but I cannot. It wasn't that it was all bad but I think the last few months we had to battle through clouded everything and has changed me deeply. I thought that maybe I needed time for the rawness to go but 2 years on I feel no different. The grief has changed and it is a lot more controllable and of course I am busier. I don't cry as often or for as long which is a positive sign. So in fact I am at the stage of missing her but getting on with life, a natural and healthy progression I would think.

I have since learnt that I was what is called a sandwich carer. Caring for ages at both ends of the spectrum. I used to worry that my son had missed out but I realise he has learnt so much from the time and also treasures the memories of his beloved Nan.

Terry Pratchett died today and I cried for a moment at his poignant tweets on twitter. I always loved his portrayal of Death in his books. Then I was glad for him to have peace from that awful disease.

Was a lovely spring day and the frogs were very busy in the park pond today. It was an orgy of croaks and hops giving the illusion that the pond was bubbling away. I wish people would stop stealing the frogs spawn and tadpoles though, that includes the local schools. They are doing so much damage.

I hope I haven't made caring seem a negative thing.

Take care x