Thursday, 12 March 2015

no title tonight

Hello.

Yesterday was the 2nd year anniversary of my mum's death. I'm not good at dates and had to check if it was the 12th or 11th. Then I had a wobble if had been 2 or 3 years. I think this occurred, I think, because so much has changed and also because it's such a long time to go with out seeing or hearing someone. Someone who you saw nearly every day and someone who could make you laugh by giving one look. Apart from the in the darkest last bits of the dementia we could still be in fits of laughter with each other. Two years, three years or 5 months it's a time illusion and hard to measure.

I had meant this blog to include stuff about being a carer and yet I find now that I need to keep it in the past. I had intended to try and stay in touch on the dementia carers forum or try and offer practical help but I cannot. It wasn't that it was all bad but I think the last few months we had to battle through clouded everything and has changed me deeply. I thought that maybe I needed time for the rawness to go but 2 years on I feel no different. The grief has changed and it is a lot more controllable and of course I am busier. I don't cry as often or for as long which is a positive sign. So in fact I am at the stage of missing her but getting on with life, a natural and healthy progression I would think.

I have since learnt that I was what is called a sandwich carer. Caring for ages at both ends of the spectrum. I used to worry that my son had missed out but I realise he has learnt so much from the time and also treasures the memories of his beloved Nan.

Terry Pratchett died today and I cried for a moment at his poignant tweets on twitter. I always loved his portrayal of Death in his books. Then I was glad for him to have peace from that awful disease.

Was a lovely spring day and the frogs were very busy in the park pond today. It was an orgy of croaks and hops giving the illusion that the pond was bubbling away. I wish people would stop stealing the frogs spawn and tadpoles though, that includes the local schools. They are doing so much damage.

I hope I haven't made caring seem a negative thing.

Take care x

7 comments:

  1. Hazzy, this is such an honest and poignant post. I'm not good with anniversaries either. I forget the dates but I remember the people each and every day. Your portrayal of your mum is so lovely.
    Sad news indeed about Terry Pratchett- such a fantastic writer, I listen to his audio books every day and they always make me smile. And as for the frogs, it is perhaps ignorance that makes people take the frogspawn, a lack of understanding of the damage they are doing. Very frustrating- maybe a sign explaining it all put up by the pond is the way to go. If it's council owned you could try asking them. Failing that I'd make a sign myself. Sending you a virtual hug tonight my dear xx

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thanks very much for understanding and wording exactly what I meant. The pond warden I spoke to today mentioned about signs. I'll see her again soon so will back her up on that. It was a wonderful sight today. Thanks for the hug x

    ReplyDelete
  3. Such sad new about Terry Pratchett, a great writer who will be greatly missed. Sending you a hug it can't be easy I can't imagine life without my parents, I will have that to face in the near future. I hope I can be as strong as you appear to be.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you for the hug. I've had times when I've not felt to strong but thanks for saying it x

      Delete
  4. aaaw bless, sending you a hug (( )). I don't remember these sorts of dates I just kind of block them out. I've recently deleted my links to the Alzheimer's society and the local carers point but I'm continuing with the twiddle muffs because they really do help both patients and carers.
    Carolx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's better not to live by dates isn't it. How are you doing? I'm glad you are making the twiddle muffs as they sound a wonderful idea. It's weird when the caring stops isn't it. Is your dad ok x

      Delete
    2. Hi Hazzy. It sure is weird when the caring stops. There's this gap and when you fill it with something else it feels odd and kind of wrong at the same time. We're doing ok. Dad has surprised us and is doing very well. He's keeping himself busy with his allotment and green house and is still dealing with mum's official paperwork (such a slow process). He's going on holiday soon and I think we may see a difference when he comes back.
      Carolx

      Delete