The post I wanted to write

Hello all.

Was just getting back into my blogging groove then last week I just had a week where my spare time was taken up in the garden and also fighting off headaches.
Everything is potted up and thriving in this lovely mix of sunshine and showers. The courgette seem to have a little influx of blackfly so have had a spray of tea tree oil. I've also remembered to feed the plants before they actually flag this year. So here's hoping for a productive time. I have to pass a nursery (plant sort) every time I drive to and from the school. It's a wonderfully calm and peaceful place especially at 8am. I wonder around aimlessly most times but this time I was on a mission. Jasmine. The smell is amazing and I really wanted one, this then led to a stock up of a few herbs that I haven't got. And of course I quick look in the bargain bin. I'm now the proud owner of a dwarf gage tree. All are planted in pots as I feel rather attached to my plants. I dread leaving the crab apple tree, another bargain bin find, it is magnificent and gives wonderful shelter for the birds as they check out the feeders. Oh and don't get me started on leaving my birds and the worry that the people who take over don't feed them.  Thing is I'm no closer to leaving yet, talk about unnecessary worrying.

When I was a carer my mum went into a care home for a while. It actually was 3 months in the end. An awful time that I can barely look back on without feeling the pain of that time. Being a sandwich carer your responsibilities are so split between such differing needs it can make a brain nearly implode. So it was decided I would have a rest. It was not a perfect solution even though the home was one of the best. I would visit all the time and could never settle at the idea of having other people look after her but home became a calmer place for my son and me.
My mum was an amazing person and always did her best in life. The dementia swallows up the person you know but the love never goes. Roles change and that is such a hard hard thing.
It came to a time when I then had to decide whether to make the respite permanent.  I've had some tough decisions but that was near to impossible for me. Leading up to that time my mum became ill and was hospitalised on the day I needed to decide by. Everyone involved held off and waited for us. Ten days later she died. I always feel that was her final gift to me letting me off the hardest decision that I really needed to make.
The timing then and since has always made me ponder. My son was due his music grading exam and he decided not to go so I went to the hospital. My mum died at the time the exam was due. That meant she went with her 3 children by her side and I saw that her end was peaceful and dignified.
Eventually I took a job I was not happy in and would come home and check out jobs. One stood out but payroll was listed so I did not bother. However the job would keep coming back into my mind and eventually I applied. It's the job I am now in and am happy with.

I'm not sure what this post means. I don't think it needs to mean anything really. It's life and we make our own conclusions. It's just what happened and with a mixture of a mother's love and timing I was spared an awful time.

Take care x