Tuesday, 5 August 2014

Distracted.

Hello.
Was going to post some photos of my ripening tomatoes with artistic raindrops beginning to drip. Then stumbled upon an untitled photo. Opening it up it was a photo of my mum, approx. a year before she died and before we knew just how ill she was. Its a side on view while she sits quietly, I suspect being my willing model for a new camera.
I stared and knew every part of that person. Every line, every hair, every mark was familiar. The scent and the feel of the skin etched into my memory. How can it possibly be 16 months since I have seen her. Surely she has just popped out to the shops and she'll be back laden with toilet roll and kitchen roll bargains tied to her shopping trolley. Which she will sort while I put the kettle on and get ready to listen to whatever saga had ensued on her outing - as there nearly always was one. She will tell who helped her in whichever shop and which neighbour stopped to say hello.
When I look at a photo it's like ten minutes ago. When I look at her empty room it's like 10 years ago. To have had a person for 44 years and then not to have her takes a lot of getting used to.

x

6 comments:

  1. Oh Hazzy, have a great big hug from me x

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  2. It is 10 years and 5 weeks since i lost my Mum, feels like 10 minutes and a lifetime. Thinking of you , big hug. Pam x

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  3. It will be 24 years this October since my mum passed and there are still times when things happen in my life when I wish she was hear to talk to. I think the hardest was that when she died I was expecting my second child and on the day he was born the first thing that sprang to mind was that she would never get to meet this amazing individual I had help to create.

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  4. There are many of us who know how you feel. Unfortunately that feeling never goes away. We just learn how to live with it.

    Best wishes to you

    Jean x

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  5. This brought tears to my eyes, I lost my mum to Alzheimers. My heart goes out to you x

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