Am still here

Hello

Sorry it's been so long. I took a break and never got back in the habit of blogging. I have dropped in to read a few blogs but just not as much as I normally would.
I can be dreadful at keeping in touch generally in life as well. But I don't switch off.

Hope you are all well? Things are rubbing along nicely. As usual my little car is broken and in the garage so it's buses for Monday morning. Not done that for a while. Unfortunately she decided to break on one of the coldest and wetest nights we had had for a while. I was at work and dressed like it was still summer -the office is hot and I am not keen on coats. I resigned myself to a wet and cold walk home but my brilliant boss braved the Friday night traffic to take me home.
Work is well although I really hope I can extend my hours soon so that I am not at the mercy of the tax credit chopping George. I had intended to look for a 2nd job but my days and hours do need to be flexible for this job, so makes it hard to commit to another. Will be wonderful to be self reliant eventually.
Uni is a bigger reality now. Place is chosen and accepted so just need the hard work to pay off with good results. ABB grades are needed and predicted. Not bad for a home educator ha.

Personally I have been quite happy as I lost quite a few kilos in weight. Potentially because I have stuck rigidly to the gluten free. I have more to go to feel I am where i want to be weight wise. It's a slow progress as I don't let myself go without treats I am just cutting back on the the junk most days. I have been exercising at home with some weights but a fortnight ago I had the mother of migraines that has put me back. It affected my eyesight and I have not felt properly well since. It spurred me on to find a decent optician as mine has gone downhill in the last few years. My new one is brill and am even going for a contact lens trial in a fortnight.

Actually in a fortnight it's all happening as the council are going to fit a combi boiler. Although it will be chaos for a few days I am so excited as I have never lived in a property where hot water is on tap (do you see what I did there). Will also be going to a hospital apt to hopefully sort out my poor gluey ears.

Been so nice chatting again. Will catch up on everyone news now.

Take care. X

PS a few shots of my autumn

Back to it

Hello all. I've been neglecting blogging again. I am finding that I don't always feel like I have much to say and am more content to read others. Even the comments drop off. But I am often lurking.

I have been trying out a martial art called Wing Chun, it's  a form of kung fu. A friend from work is well into it and suggested the taster sessions. I have always had trouble with coordination and it has not improved with age. As a child I would tap perfectly with my right foot but my left could not join in and would regularly trip me up. I soon hung up my tap shoes. In adulthood the step aerobic teacher seemed to think I  was clowning about when I fell of the step. I wasn't I  just could not coordinate stepping and arm exercises. Wing chun has been no different so far. Still it's a different sort of exercise and it's not every day you can legitimately punch a work colleague.
It is a form of close range combat and is very alien to me. I wondered if that is because I am female and have been programmed into non aggression. Not that anyone is aggressive, it is very contained and disciplined. But I think you know what I  mean. I have never seen a martial art film, I've not even seen a James Bond or Rambo film. The attacks and blocks do hurt and that may be the undoing of me rather than the lack of coordination. Also I see a steely glint in the mens eyes and a look of determination that is totally lacking in mine.
Although week 3 of this little martial art adventure saw me punching the pads with a degree of accuracy and pleasure that was lacking before...so who knows.

Take care x

Hopeful post

Hello

Overheard in asda today a mum saying to her toddler
'No darling you can't  marry me because I'm  married to daddy you have to find a girl or boy of your own to marry one day'.
Cool.

Almost helped block out the couple on the right handside till to me having a domestic and the kid on the left one having a melt down cos her ma said no.

X

Short post

I may have to rethink the cushion blockade to keep her off the sofa.

X

One of those days post

Hello

Such a cliche but a true one. Tues after a bank holiday is busy because wages must be paid. On a Monday the pressure is lessened by knowing Tuesday is the fallback day. So the software decided it needed to update this morning which often spells disaster. Right on cue it crashed. Support then remotely take over the pc and resurrected it...eventually. It took them a few attempts to log on. But they got there and the wage run began. Next stumbling block the contract I have to assign the work to was not set up. My weak spot and my main boss was still on hols. Boss no 2 and I stumbled through it eventually. Getting on for midday  and still no one was paid. The hope was the bank didnt let us down and that boss no 2 could log on...his weak spot. Phew by lunch all were paid.

I breathed a sigh of relief until poor son texted "the toilet has gone odd again".

Booking the afternoon off I set off home ready to glove up and plunge. It happens every few months and we are getting adept at spotting it before as opposed to after...which can be messy. My diy plunging has failed this time so we are now cross leggedly waiting for the plumber. I have been assured it was put to a high priority but 3 hours later my bladder is losing faith. May have to go on a hunt for the camping bucket. Bet ya that I just get started when they turn up. I really wish I did not have that beaker of ribena at work.

Wonder when I can go to bed?

Take care x

Beware: Holiday Post

Hello.

I hope you are not all fatigued by another holiday post. It is the season for them though and I am still too excited by mine to not mention it...endlessly to anyone who might listen.

When I first got back into work one of the first things I did was order passports, one a month. Then I thought about booking a city break somewhere for poor son and myself. Many years ago when he was little I had promised him a trip on Eurostar as we would see it each time we arrived back in London for a visit. But he mentioned he had been on loads of trains but never a plane. He said no more. But that widened the field of travel and I got to planning. The only problem was I love everywhere and could not narrow it down. Asking him he chose Moscow but we didn't time to get visas so his next choice was Berlin. 

It all ended up being rushed because my brother suddenly became free to dog sit the following weekend. So the plane tickets where quite dear but the hotel price made up for it. And the fact that I didn't have to worry about Susie was priceless.  

So with bags packed and measured...Ryanair is so picky...we were off. I felt totally out of my comfort zone probably due to the fact that the last time I flew my son had no teeth. In fact the last time I flew I booked it at a travel agents and did not even own a mobile phone. 

Berlin was amazing. 

Although it was extremely hot and crowded we enjoyed every minute. So much history to see in such a small time so we cherry picked our choices and worked through them. It only included one museum, the DDR museum gives a great overview of live in the communist state. It gradually gets darker as you go round and you learn about the inequalities and the Stasi.
So much is free to see and as you wander round you find pieces of the wall and checkpoints packed with info. I was very impressed in the way they do not cover the past up and are openly educating.

My son and I discovered a mutual love of just mingling into the city. Mooching around streets and shops, catching a bus and hoping it took us somewhere vaguely near the intended destination, using the U and S bahn, people watching whilst sheltering from the heat. Food played a big part especially with a teen boy in tow. Oh my excitement at shopping in a real German Aldi, sad I know. Kaiser was a great supermarket and encouraged healthy eating - my, did we have to search for the chocolate...found it though.

By the evening the temp dropped from the high 30's to a much more manageable heat and it was very relaxing sitting out at tables or benches at restaurants with a cold drink. It was much cheaper than I expected, I think our dearest meal was about 25 euros.

 



 

We especially enjoyed the Turkish quarter for walking and eating in. The canal area seems to attract quite a bohemian crowd but also families. In fact with the weather it put me in mind of a Mediterranean country especially with the unhurried manner the restaurateurs had. Especially when the accordion player turned up.



Look Rachel Bundesliga on the TV

 

I had better stop now but I'll be back with more if you don't mind as it has been a wonderful experience. Next stop Moscow hopefully, well maybe for his 18th next year - best get saving.

Take care x

Beautiful Berlin

Hello

Just back from a long weekend in Berlin. My first trip abroad in ages. It has been so exciting. Will be back to bore you soon x.

Sorry

Hello all

Didn't mean to be away this long, in fact did not mean to be away at all. My tablet had to be sent away for repair and even though I have had it back a while I was out of the habit I suppose. I really have some reading to do as well to catch up with you all.

It's been a time of not much happening really. School broke up, work carried on fine and my poor plants have been struggling. I have managed a little harvest but something is killing off the courgettes and I think the mange tout came out in sympathy. I am on for a good little crop of tomatoes though. They are looking well. Knew I did right to buy the sort that need no interference.

CATCH UP WITH PHOTOS

 Today's harvest

 Trying to reach the top bits

 Gluten free fun

Pretending to be by the seaside

Son turned 17

Take care all x

Reversing horror

Hello.

Nice day in the country my friend and I thought. Visit a mini bronze age henge and feel the peace. Which we did. There's going to be a but...can you sense it. To keep the mood going we thought we would visit a second one. Strewth. Half way up a very very steep tiny country lane it bent to the sharpest left turn I have ever faced. The car decided nope cannot manage that and came to a sulky stall. We rolled back. The handbrake decided nope cannot do that and let us roll. Now I can drive safely forward but get me reversing and it can go a little bit wrong. Ask the dry stone wall that the car's bumper kissed on the toilet stop.
We kept rolling and I kept steering...into bushes and more dry stone walls. In my defence the lane was about the width of my car, which is tiny. Rolling back we aimed for a little parking area we had spotted. I had to keep getting out of the hedges by roaring forward a little making the noise a rally car does. All the time praying that we did not meet another car going in either direction as it was a series of sharp bends.
What a relief it was to turn and go back to forwards driving.  Not going there again.

 

 

 

Take care x

The post I wanted to write

Hello all.

Was just getting back into my blogging groove then last week I just had a week where my spare time was taken up in the garden and also fighting off headaches.
Everything is potted up and thriving in this lovely mix of sunshine and showers. The courgette seem to have a little influx of blackfly so have had a spray of tea tree oil. I've also remembered to feed the plants before they actually flag this year. So here's hoping for a productive time. I have to pass a nursery (plant sort) every time I drive to and from the school. It's a wonderfully calm and peaceful place especially at 8am. I wonder around aimlessly most times but this time I was on a mission. Jasmine. The smell is amazing and I really wanted one, this then led to a stock up of a few herbs that I haven't got. And of course I quick look in the bargain bin. I'm now the proud owner of a dwarf gage tree. All are planted in pots as I feel rather attached to my plants. I dread leaving the crab apple tree, another bargain bin find, it is magnificent and gives wonderful shelter for the birds as they check out the feeders. Oh and don't get me started on leaving my birds and the worry that the people who take over don't feed them.  Thing is I'm no closer to leaving yet, talk about unnecessary worrying.

When I was a carer my mum went into a care home for a while. It actually was 3 months in the end. An awful time that I can barely look back on without feeling the pain of that time. Being a sandwich carer your responsibilities are so split between such differing needs it can make a brain nearly implode. So it was decided I would have a rest. It was not a perfect solution even though the home was one of the best. I would visit all the time and could never settle at the idea of having other people look after her but home became a calmer place for my son and me.
My mum was an amazing person and always did her best in life. The dementia swallows up the person you know but the love never goes. Roles change and that is such a hard hard thing.
It came to a time when I then had to decide whether to make the respite permanent.  I've had some tough decisions but that was near to impossible for me. Leading up to that time my mum became ill and was hospitalised on the day I needed to decide by. Everyone involved held off and waited for us. Ten days later she died. I always feel that was her final gift to me letting me off the hardest decision that I really needed to make.
The timing then and since has always made me ponder. My son was due his music grading exam and he decided not to go so I went to the hospital. My mum died at the time the exam was due. That meant she went with her 3 children by her side and I saw that her end was peaceful and dignified.
Eventually I took a job I was not happy in and would come home and check out jobs. One stood out but payroll was listed so I did not bother. However the job would keep coming back into my mind and eventually I applied. It's the job I am now in and am happy with.

I'm not sure what this post means. I don't think it needs to mean anything really. It's life and we make our own conclusions. It's just what happened and with a mixture of a mother's love and timing I was spared an awful time.

Take care x

bees and Jasmine

Hello.

Been a lovely day today. Picked up some friends and we did a long dog walk, prob about 3.5 miles. Nice bit of exercise. 

New neighbours are currently building the largest garden climbing frame ever...it looks directly into my living room. Well until my little rescue crab apple tree grows a bit more. Sigh. O for a walled secret garden or a big field just for me.

I did some bee first aid today.

A nice sugary mixture for a grounded bee. Once he/she realised what was going on the little proboscis (is that right?) lapped it up. Then followed a lot of grooming like movements. Which I did video but I thought that might be overkill for you. Fascinating little creature. Little furry bum wiggled while the tiny segmented legs worked away. I checked a few minutes ago and there is no sign of my little bee. I am hoping he/she flew away. Apparently they have to wait for their abdomens to reach a certain temp if they have cooled down and then they can fly away.


Just wondering if anyone recognises this flower. I think it may be Jasmine. It is the most beautiful smell. When I was being driven around Cairo on a motorbike I was given mini flower garlands to wear with the same fragrance. No idea why...maybe I stunk ha.

Take care
x

Skipping away

Hello all.

Funny ol day. Sometimes I wake up in a panic similar to when I was unemployed. I have to talk myself round that things are on the up and calm down. The feeling does not last for long and it's usually on the mid week break I have due to being part time.
The only downside to work is that I do not move as much as this time last year and so I know a few extra pounds of weight have taken root. I would dog walk at least twice a day for quite a few hours. I also swam when I could afford it. I was determined to be busy and it kept my mind busy and kept the already mentioned panic away. Exercise is going to have to figure in my life and I am pondering it (whilst sat on me bum doing nothing).

Suse and I had a nice walk in a nearby country park today. It's a lovely place but I found I was totally distracted by cute goslings and the heronry. It is also full of Monkey Puzzle trees or Monkey Tail trees as I insisted they should be called when I was little. They are amazing up close oh and very sharp. There is a mulberry bush which always make me want to skip round it singing the nursery rhyme. If I ever had to do Dessert Islands Discs a few choices would be nursery rhymes as they bring back many memories of childhood. Due to my mum. One in particular that I could never remember all the way through was 'I had a little nut tree'. Even now I can hear my mum patiently reciting it to me. I also had to just check the title on google. Something I cannot remember but I remember so well - oddness.

x

Oily Feet

Hello all.

Hope you are well.

I always feel relaxed and a bit more in control of things when the jungle of a lawn is mown...mowed. It's quite a job as it undulates and has a couple of large lumpy ants nests. However I am now sat indoors trying to ignore how much hoovering is needed and mopping  but I can ignore that. Just don't look down.

Rather excitingly the first mange tout have arrived even though the plants are rather little still. The potatoes are popping up at a good speed and the good old courgettes are coming on nicely. Such a lovely feeling being able to grow a bit of grub.

I am doing a sponsored run soon. No one is more surprised than me. Although we do not plan to run because...well we don't run but also my aunt plans to be with us. I don't know if you remember that at New Year she had to break it to us she had cancer. Well she is now coming to the end of her chemo and really wants to do the run as she has done for previous years. However the chemo has depleted her white blood cells and she has had 2 hospital admissions due to neutropenia. This has delayed what we hope is her final chemo. She is a tough lady so if anyone can do this it will be my aunt. I was a bit torn as it's for a charity I am not to keen on but they have asked me to join in. So I have put my ideals aside and have now received my number. Have even been on the indoor bike a few times for a bit of training.

Gluten free had slipped to gluten reduced but o my goodness after a poorly time I am gf free with new vigour. I also would like to drop quite a bit of weight so I am trying that as well. Bit easier in hot weather I find. I often fill up on diet pop but not this time. I am also combining it all with giving up aspartame. Phew! New me I am hoping. Although my boss objected to the smell of my raw cabbage lunch the other day. But he won't have to worry as I soon sickened of it  and the next lot went in the bin. Back to gf free sandwich thins today. Yum!

Just wondering if anyone has any experience of unrefined coconut oil and dogs. I use it as a beauty product and found the dog licking up a bit. She loved it. And is now trying to lick my feet where I have just slopped loads on. Have had a quick read on the internet but still a bit undecided.

Take care am off to read your blogs now x

Tippytoe Tree

Hello.

Hope you are all well. Thought I would enjoy these few quiet moments with a new blog post. It's chucking it down so I cannot do anymore in the garden at the mo. The radio is chattering away and Susie is snoozing at my side. For some reason my new neighbours have decided to have a massive bonfire in the rain?? Just a tad smokey and a bit near the fence for my liking. How I long for a field to sit in alone ha...obviously with a bit off shelter on days like this. Although the skies are clearing now however the grass will be much too wet for a mow. Shame. I'll just get on with this post instead.

I changed the 'about me' section of the blog the other week as it occurred to me things had changed a lot and my intention for the blog had. One of my aims last year had been to be a smallholder, has been for years really but I realise to achieve owning a property my work hours will need to increase. Leaving little time for smallholding on a serious scale. I even wonder about my dream of a rural property maybe semi rural will be more suitable. I'm not a planner though so these changes to my aims don't worry me. I will just see what occurs in the future. I will still grow things and really want some hens. Mind you a goat or sheep would be wonderful. And they musn't be lonely. Of course some more rescue animals could be housed. Mmmmh this could be snowballing again.

I am catching up with my veg in pots. The first lot of courgettes, beans and peas are out and looking good(ish). Bit nibbled already. I definitely had beginners luck with the weather last year. I do love checking on them before and after work. Am going to pick my first lot of spring onions this week as they are getting massive.

I have my first official day off tomorrow. I have no school run at the moment and am not needed in on Wed and Thurs so will have a nice bit of freedom. Although will probably spend a lot of it being excited about having the time and not quite achieve much. I am still enjoying work due in part to the variety of work, the freedom I am given and the people I work with. I laugh a lot while I am there as there are some strong characters with a wonderfully wicked sense of humour that I get. Into my 8th month now.

I took this photo on a dog walk for the blog. It's a tree on stilts it would appear. Any idea how this happens anyone? I just wondered if the ground had eroded exposing the roots.

Take care everyone. Have to dash now so am just hoping no typos as no time to check, only just noticed the time.

x

Todays Lesson is...

...do not put your handbag in the washing machine without checking it is empty.

Hello all.

It's a fabric handbag and so old and shabby looking that I thought a quick machine wash might improve it's look. . The inside pocket where I keep my important but not needed all the time things was still full up. So consequently my £30 emergency money, driving licence (the paper bit), oyster card, memory sticks and various bits are now laid out on the footstool hopefully drying to be as good as new. It is not looking good for the oyster card I feel (a travelcard for London transport) which had just been topped up on my last visit. The memory sticks were scanned and repaired by my son so here's hoping. The money and driving licence are looking ok if just a little stiff but smelling sweetly.

Take care x

Broken.

Hello all.

Can it be... a sunny bank holiday?

The garden has nearly broken me today. The huge privet in the front is beyond me on my own so my son broke from revising and FIFA and helped. Because of this I felt I had the energy to tackle the mowing and strimming. This would have been fine except for the mower packed in within minutes. Straight to google for a reminder how to get the belt...it's always the belt. Half an hour later with very bloody fingers I fixed it. It had been a struggle to loosen the big screw thing hence the blood. But the long grass was still wet so out came the strimmer. The strimmer then packed up. The continuous feed didn't as the nylon was stuck. Eventually I fixed that. The lawn is now cut, sort of. Piles of strimmed grass are waiting to be raked. But they can wait although at least the rake wouldn't break. I can see the dog when she's in the garden so I will call the gardening done for today. The garden nearly broke me today although not quite. And the bleeding has stopped.

Hoping to get some pots of veg out soon. The frosty nights seemed to go on forever but I think it will be ok now. I still have a lot of seedlings on the go and so feel like I am a bit behind with it all this year.  Have diversified with a few geraniums this year as I thought a few flowers would help attract the bees to pollinate the courgettes. Eventually I will transfer some over to the cemetery as my mum loved flowers.

Hope you all have a lovely long weekend,
x

Sunny Memory

Hello all.

Now I'm not one for remembering dates and can often have hazy memories. But for once I can tell you exactly what I was doing on this day in 1980. On Facebook I have liked a West Ham united group and it gives out 'On this day ....' type posts. I was informed that on this day in 1980 West Ham won the F A cup.  Not a purely football post I promise.

I was 11 and getting ready to leave my little primary school and go to big school. We lived in  huge flat that had a roof garden where we kept our tortoises. On that day it was sunny and much to my amusement I had found our cat sleeping in the torties little crate house. I know this because my mum had taken photos of me whilst I was dressed in my West Ham t-shirt and rosette and I am pointing out the cat. We then went shopping down the local High Street as we did most Saturdays at this stage of my life. I cannot remember what we bought but I remember vividly that the pie and mash shop (how cockney will this memory get) had put a record player in the window where takeaways where ordered. It was blaring out the West Ham anthem of I'm Forever Blowing Bubbles. The whole of the high street was buzzing with energy and excitement which made it even more special as I walked along with my mum.
The 3 pm kick off found the place deserted and I kept looking out of the window fascinated by such empty streets. Then by 5pm after our one-nil victory over Arsenal (sorry Rachel) cars started shooting down the road tooting with passengers hanging out the window cheering.
The following day my mum took me to the top of our road to see West Ham bring the cup home. We joined thousands of people and I think some people lifted me onto the front wall of the police station. Although it could be that I wished they had lifted me up so I could get a glimpse of my hero Trevor Brooking lifting the cup as they stood on the Town Hall balcony. Happily we wandered home.

Ah memories eh. Does the sun always shine in memories, although I have the photos to back it up. It was so bright that day. I can see and feel it still.  And the most wonderful and abiding feeling from this memory is having my mum at my side.

Take care all x

Happy May Day

Hello

Thank you for the comments on my previous post. After saying how I enjoy the comments and replying to them I never went back. So sorry. I definitely read them.

I was thinking about why I don't post as often as I did. There is a time issue I guess and energy problems at the moment, due to the ear infection - I think. Mainly I think it is due to not having a clear idea of what the blog is about. I'm not giving it up or anything as I love being part of it and feel I have a whole new group of friends because of blogging.
Last year felt clearer, I was discovering frugal living and growing my own veg. Although I am still doing both this year.  Blogging also gave me communication with others after being alone a lot. I also thought I would use it to look back a bit at the home educating and caring I did. But I have now found I'm not so good at looking back and am enjoying moving forward.
I think maybe I shall rattle on for a while and see what happens. It will maybe be like the scrapbook I used to keep as a kid. Full of bits and pieces (but not as much Star Wars stuff I promise).  Or the diary I never managed to keep for more than a couple of days. Things can be so mundane here and yet maybe I will enjoy reading it back one day.

Mundane happenings are:
AS levels approaching
Courgettes seedlings are springing up
My ear keeps hurting.

I still find it magic to watch the seeds turn to shoots. Courgettes are such sturdy little buggers whereas the tomatoes are so fragile. I'm trying yellow courgettes as they look so tasty. I also thought I would plant a few flowers as well to encourage the insects in. Echinacea, Sunflowers, Poppies and Calendula for the companion planting. I will try for some chillies this year even though I don't have a greenhouse. Asda was selling off some potatoes so have them propped on a window ledge in an egg box as per instruction from my gardening bible. It will all be in pots again as the clay ground is a nightmare for digging and also the football would probably squash everything.

My ear hurts a bit and the nasal spray has given me cold symptoms but the hearing is maybe a little bit better. Will keep going for now and maybe look into some natural alternatives. It's not wax or anything like that and because it is behind the eardrum drops will not hurt. It is all middle ear and due to the Eustachian tube.

Elections and Exams are what May brings for us.

Take care
x

Pardon!

Hello all

Have a post I want to write but it is one I really need to take time and put thought into it. I don't have the energy to put what is in my head onto paper/pc yet.
I went to the docs again about my ears and it seems I have another ear infection. it was a planned apt due to my previous bouts of deafness. I actually refused the antibiotics this time as they make my stomach cramp. So the doc has given me a steroid nasal spray that has made my throat hurt. I don't suppose there is much more to be done yet. I did wonder if I could be referred to ENT in case they can offer more than just meds. Although I suspect that would be grommets like little kids have for glue ear.  I think I'll have to go through the meds route first which will hopefully sort this out.
I have had a low level pain in one ear whilst the other one is blocked and usually trilling away with tinnitus. I had blamed my extreme tiredness on the early mornings and late nights. However it often is a sign of infection with me and I still haven't twigged this it seems. Also I must  have adjusted to the low level pain and discomfort.
Not a big problem or illness luckily but I suspect people are getting a bit bored of me constantly saying pardon, especially poor son. Especially when I accuse him of teenage mumbling.

Have got my seedlings off to a start. Beans, peas, toms and courgette in a first batch. Is this called successive planting? I will do a second batch and hopefully avoid the gluts of one thing like last year.  I do love when the little shoots pop up.

This is about as exciting as it gets at the moment.

Take care
x

Geek!

December is going to be such an exciting month.

x

Off the Wagon

Hello.

Hope you are well.

My gluten free diet has been a bit erratic recently. It all started with a nibble on a rich tea biscuit at work which opened the flood gates. The most delicious 'slip' has been a doughnut with pink icing and sprinkles at a family bbq, actually 2...no 3 just remembered the reduced one I bought a few days later. I have even had a bit of white bread.  Dinner tonight with include Chinese pancakes.
I thought to myself maybe I will be gluten reduced to match the meat reduced diet I have started. But slowly it has occurred to me that I think I am gaining the symptoms I had before. The indigestion has not returned but other things have. My tiredness could be due to getting used to the early school runs after the Easter break. In fact everything could be explained away by something else but I know when I was gluten free I felt a lot better. Will have to dig deep for some resolve and return to the gluten free. What with that and the spring fever I get due to summer being on it's way there will be no stopping me.

I had a day off from work today which makes little difference to the beginning of the morning but it's nice to sit in a traffic jam on the return journey and not panic - if you see what I mean. I always try and give Susie a quick walk every morning but it's not enough so today we set out on a mega one. She really was in the mood for it and for once ran around and had fun. She chased sticks in the brook and made me laugh. With the lighter evenings I should hopefully get her out a bit more except she was a bugger last year for refusing her walks. Jack Russell's can be very strong when they want to, even cheese wouldn't make her budge. Was it someone on a blog that said dogs please you, Jack Russell's please themselves.

I managed to walk around with toothpaste on my t shirt again all day at least it was the park and not work this time.

Take care
x

Comments

Hello

Thought I would answer the comments from my last post in my new post.  The messages were very interesting, I have read them over many times as they gave me a lot to think about. I will take a bit from them all. Thanks for sharing and taking time.

Rachel - that's exactly what will happen, I will always be pleasant but it will remain at that. This is also due to time constraints, I can't even keep up with friends as it is some weeks let alone make new ones. I suppose friendships can be on many levels, acquaintances probably . And it is rare to find one that is spot on.

Atilla and Bridget - we share some things in common and unfortunately have been judged for them.

Pam - you have probably made such a difference to that couple, having pushed a wheelchair on many occasions.

Carol - I have to be honest and thought 'nah' when I read your comment and then the other night I realised that actually you are spot on.  'Another chance' is right because I may be able to pass on some of the understanding of dementia I have to that person. Although they won't be a buddy as such it can still be a friendship on some sort of level and promote an understanding of dementia.

Sorry if that rambled and was repetitive I am sooooo tired but really wanted to answer.Also I do not want my blogging to lapse again. I love to read and partake in comments as it's like having conversations with a wide variety of people.

Possibly years ago I would have shied away from dementia sufferers but now my heart just aches when I become aware that someone probably has it.

Thanks blogger friends you are appreciated. Now I am off to read about your lives. Take care all
x

sick as a parrot and deaf as a post

Hello

It's been a while. Hope everyone is experiencing this wonderful start to spring. What a wonderful free feeling it gives to have doors and windows open.

I haven't blogged for ages and I've not even been reading other blogs - which is something I always enjoy. It's been busy I suppose and we've had bouts of illness. No excuse really.  The sickness bug at exactly at the same time was tricky...I had the loo and son a bowl as he was unable to get off the couch properly anyway. It hit us hard and quick that one although he bounced back fairly quick it took me over a week. Oh and that was on Mother's Day. So we slept that one away this year. The deafness is coming from the pressure in my ears. I think I have a dysfunctional Euston Station tube !! Off to the docs in a week or 2 as it's becoming irritating and debilitating. As I type here is rumbling away in one ear, tinnitus I suppose and often pain in the other.

Easter has been lovely I have managed to get a few days off as well as the bank hols so it's been a relaxing enjoyable time. It feels like Christmas but without the pressure. As a child it meant a lot of time in church but I don't go anymore. Palm Sunday was always the long one although I loved getting the palm and being splashed by holy water.

Now the weather has dried out a bit and the grass is ...mowed...mown...??? Anyway I am deciding what to grow. Have bought some seeds for yellow courgettes and bush tomatoes. Shall be more selective this year but also not grow everything all at once. I shall stagger it in batches. Peas and beans will be on the list for sure. I also plan to buy a little table and chairs so that we can have dinner outside when we feel like it.

Last year was a very frugal time and I have held on to a lot of it for this year. I like having low overheads and I can hopefully look into a mortgage in a year or so when I will hopefully have more income. Also school will be finished so we can have more flexibility in where we move. I plan to not go without though, so some treats will be on the cards such as the table but I thoroughly enjoyed it all last year and learnt a lot. Now I am working it will be a different sort of summer to last year and it feels quite exciting. Potentially it will be the last in this house as well. Having a job has made me feel like I have a future with choices and prospects. And the big bonus is I enjoy what I do and who I work for and with. We laugh a lot at work.

It's more exam time as AS levels are on the horizon, next month. Then next year it's A2's. So that will be 3 years of exams. I believe the system is going back to how A levels used to be. Still cannot decide which system is best although it would have been nice to have a year free of exams.

I hope we will have a holiday this year by the sea. It's years since we have been. We did get back to London for a couple of nights just recently. We were given a free train ticket by a friend and my sis put us up. Often we see West Ham play when we do this but the prem teams were on international break. Instead we went to the Docklands museum, I can highly recommend that. It is free and full of information that's done in a wonderful style. The mock up streets are very atmospheric, not sure if they were meant to smell but they did. Next we walked to Canary Wharf. I lived within sight of it from the day it was built and even heard the bomb the IRA had planted by it but I had never visited it. Was not impressed though. Just shops. Next the Shard. Is it finished was my question when we got back to my sister's. She laughed and says everyone says that. It looks like a little chunk has been left of. We didn't pay to go up it as would have cost too much. I can also recommend Borough Market although it was rammed with people and costs a fortune but for foodies it's worth a look. Do get an Oyster card if you visit London. It saves loads of money and hassle. But always remember to clock off. The buzz and rhythm of London is wonderful but I know I don't have the energy to keep up anymore. The thought of travelling in rush hour in packed tubes exhausts me. But I am so glad I experienced it. It's an ever changing environment and wonderful to dip in and out of. It's also a good excuse to reminisce and bore poor son.

Will stop rambling now and will take some time out to catch up with blog reading (right after I've cooked dinner).

Take care x

no title tonight

Hello.

Yesterday was the 2nd year anniversary of my mum's death. I'm not good at dates and had to check if it was the 12th or 11th. Then I had a wobble if had been 2 or 3 years. I think this occurred, I think, because so much has changed and also because it's such a long time to go with out seeing or hearing someone. Someone who you saw nearly every day and someone who could make you laugh by giving one look. Apart from the in the darkest last bits of the dementia we could still be in fits of laughter with each other. Two years, three years or 5 months it's a time illusion and hard to measure.

I had meant this blog to include stuff about being a carer and yet I find now that I need to keep it in the past. I had intended to try and stay in touch on the dementia carers forum or try and offer practical help but I cannot. It wasn't that it was all bad but I think the last few months we had to battle through clouded everything and has changed me deeply. I thought that maybe I needed time for the rawness to go but 2 years on I feel no different. The grief has changed and it is a lot more controllable and of course I am busier. I don't cry as often or for as long which is a positive sign. So in fact I am at the stage of missing her but getting on with life, a natural and healthy progression I would think.

I have since learnt that I was what is called a sandwich carer. Caring for ages at both ends of the spectrum. I used to worry that my son had missed out but I realise he has learnt so much from the time and also treasures the memories of his beloved Nan.

Terry Pratchett died today and I cried for a moment at his poignant tweets on twitter. I always loved his portrayal of Death in his books. Then I was glad for him to have peace from that awful disease.

Was a lovely spring day and the frogs were very busy in the park pond today. It was an orgy of croaks and hops giving the illusion that the pond was bubbling away. I wish people would stop stealing the frogs spawn and tadpoles though, that includes the local schools. They are doing so much damage.

I hope I haven't made caring seem a negative thing.

Take care x

Choc buttons and noisy neighbours

Hello all.

Happy Friday everyone. Takeaway eaten, Eastenders watched. Contemplating a little ol drink before bed.

Have sadly found the thing that our little mice cannot resist - chocolate buttons. Got one last night and one this morning. I don't cry now but feel dreadful still. I know some are in the brick sheds that are attached to our house but they keep themselves to themselves. I could even live with the ones in the floorboards if I wasn't scared of them getting in the kitchen.

What I cannot live with is my noisy neighbour. Now fair dues we make some noise, just normal noise. And actually she is not that noisy but my god she is a moaner. So that makes the noise she is currently making hard for me to take. I think they have bought some sort of surround sound TV and it is f*****g pounding through the wall and really affecting my bulging ear drums (they are back). Anyone else I would accept this as I  know it will stop eventually. She has made me so self conscience of every noise we make after her complaining ways. And as for trees...she really does not stop about trees in our garden. I have had many chopped down to satisfy her, so many the council now refuse to chop anymore. On the day I told her my mum, her neighbour for over a decade had died she finished the conversation with a comment about her friend trimming my cherry plum tree sometime. I was restrained and walked away.

Rant over.

Have a nice weekend. Have you got plans? I hope to see my auntie, she started her chemo today.

Take care
x

Worker Bee

Hello all and thank you for your comments. The mice are still causing sleepless nights as Susie carries on her sniffling hunt through the early hours. I left more lights on last night and it seemed a bit calmer - less scurrying - although that could be due to the fact I passed out through mice induced exhaustion and a minor IBS attack.

I have now been in my job for just over 3 months and am now really getting to grips with things. Especially this last month it feels like things have really clicked into place. There are still a few mistakes and some nervousness but it's getting better. The turning point came when my boss was poorly and also having to go on site a lot. So I began devising my own routine and processes to get the work done.
It helps that my boss is very brave and leaves me to do important stuff alone with only a cursory glance at the figures. I'm never let lose with the bank payments though - thank goodness.
The people I work with are funny and interesting. They make me laugh a lot and being mainly men it is quite an education. Breed apart for sure ha.

Isn't it a relief when the low lack of energy feeling post virus begins to lift. I've done a long work day, a quick dash to pick up son after footie via the supermarket, made pancakes, washed up, made dinner, washed up and then did a pile of washing. In time to sit down to watch a little footie on TV.  Mind you am ready for bed but it's a normal feeling not the washed out heavy miserable feeling I've had.

Take care x

Mice and Fined.

Hello.

Sorry for the long pause. We've both had a virus at different times and it has just knocked me out. Unfortunately the anti biotics (some of my virus was probably bacterial) didn't agree with me, again. So I've had to stop them and am just trying to ignore the symptoms creeping back. Something I learnt was that a perforated ear drum will heal itself. I have had a build up of fluid behind the ear drums hence the popping and pain as the drums bulge. I googled pictures of it and it's fascinating. Luckily they have not perforated as the pics of holes looked a bit painful.

We have mice! I have to be honest straight away and tell you I put a trap down and caught one. The horror of it, hearing the decisive snap. I made my son go up and peer before I could even move. I kept sending him up to make sure it was dead and not trapped and suffering. Then I released it to try give a little dignity. All of this was done whilst sobbing away. I don't even kill flies you see. So to see a perfect little mammal was a bit too much.
I know there are more of them.  It is actually getting me a bit low, sometimes. Usually at 5am when they are obviously active and Susie wakes me as she sniffs and pokes at things following her instincts. The noise is so creepy and I am living in dread of them discovering the kitchen.
Very clever little creatures and normally I live and let live and let them nest in the sheds and steal the bird feed.
Peanut butter and chocolate is the bait. Cheese is a Tom and Jerry thing I guess. Too many cartoons growing up.

So rising damp, mould and now mice have finally activated me and have rejoined the housing list. I had hoped my next move would be into a property I own however it's early days for a mortgage - however I have been researching them. It would be for a smaller property and hopefully a family would get to fill every space of this lovely big house.

I have now received my first non library fine. Driving in a bus lane. The camera has only just gone up and the council must be raking it in as so many have been caught out. I have never witnessed such an adherence to rules as people queue and indicate to enter the lane correctly since the camera went up. Banged to rights and you even get a little photo of your car as a souvenir. For five years I've snuck in a few feet too early. Pedantic or fair rent for that bit of road? Depends on my mood.

Bloody car...again.

Hello.

Thank you for my lovely positive comments yesterday, they were very appreciated.

The other day I thought my steering wheel was feeling odd. Pulsing. Had a rumble feature like the x box controller. Turned out it was a flat tyre. Somehow I have managed to drive around for days with a tyre pressure of 7. oops. Yay for the AA. A nail through it was to blame.

Mad moment today of dog choking on a pigs ear whilst son was hysterical with a bug burrowing in his ear. Substituted a bit of sausage for pigs ear and watched creature fly out of  human's ear. No wonder the dinner burnt.

Does anyone have any ideas for removing mould from walls against the window. I cannot use bleach products. I have tried natural things like bicarb or tea tree oil and I either did it wrong or have extra strong mould. The council house inspector was not interested and told me to just keeping wiping it off. Was hoping to avoid the mega chemical stuff that B and Q sell but I may have to go for it having just found another batch that the cactus was hiding from me.
All ideas gratefully accepted and will be tried.

YUCK

Bet you missed this blog. More car problems and disgusting mould pictures.



CUTE DOG PIC

 

There, that makes up for it.

 

 

Take care

 

x

 

 

Nice to be back

Hello all.

Hope you are all well.

Thank you so much for all your kind words. Life goes on (thankfully) and we (the family) are adapting to having another member with cancer. My lovely auntie has had surgery and is now to embark upon the next stage of treatment. An amazing lady she is accepting whatever comes her way to keep her alive and well and I love her immensely. She is the younger sister of my late mum and it is like having a little bit of my mum when I see her. I step back as carer this time and am on the sidelines as a supporter. She has a marvellous husband and children who are really looking after her.

The triviality of life has been going on. I have nearly been in my job for 3 months. And although I sometimes have dippy days that must make my boss want to rip his hair out I feel I am getting to grips with things. I must enjoy it because I never get the Sunday slump when you realise it's back to work. I think working part time helps though.

I am still gluten free although I have had a few dips and have suffered for it. I have since read that one should attend the doc before going gf. But I think it's to identify coeliac and I feel sure I am not.

I have never wished a season away but I really am this time. I want the long light nights, the doors and windows open, playing footie in the garden and growing my veg again.
I have a much clearer idea of what to grow and what to reduce this time- the courgettes. Also the tomatoes. I did not enjoy the toms last year and turned them all into passatta (Cro's magnificent recipe).  Peas and beans are top of my list as they were delicious.

Does anyone find a difference with the type of seed they buy? Cheap Lidl versus Suttons etc.

Take care

xx

Thank You

Thank you for your lovely messages. What a great supportive bunch you are. Will get my act together and post again soon

xx

Not posting for a while

Hi everyone thanks for the Christmas wishes.

Just after Christmas I was told a close relative of mine is very ill. She has had surgery and is now waiting for the next course of treatment. We are all still quite shell shocked and it kinda feels like nothing matters too much till she gets well. So I may not post for a while unless the mood takes me. Will keep reading the blogs though.

Take care xx